Chapter Text
Penelope
Barely two minutes after Colin closed the door as he left, before Penelope could lock it behind him, her boyfriend came through the door.
She was glued to the floor, tears still slowly dripping from her eyes.
“Hey, babe,” Alfie motioned behind him as he walked in the door and closed it, yet to lay eyes on Penelope. “Was that Colin Bridgerton I just saw walking down the hallway? He was cry-“ The blonde man cut himself off, finally laying eyes on his crying girlfriend.
“Oh my,” Alfie stepped forward, cradling Penelope to his chest. After a moment, he spoke. “That was him, wasn’t it?”
Penelope pulled back from him nodding her head, “I had no idea, he just showed up.”
Through dating and their relationship, she clued Alfie more and more into what happened between her and the third Bridgerton. He didn’t know everything, but he knew enough that Penelope could tell her boyfriend was not quite fond of Colin. However, Alfie never spoke down about him.
Alfie wiped her tears with his thumb, “Are you okay?”
Penelope nodded swiftly. “Yeah, he um-“ She breathed shakily. “He apologized and said he realized all the things he did. Told me he was in love with me,” Penelope pursed her lips, not looking her boyfriend in the eyes.
He hummed. “Is that something I should be worried about?”
Penelope was taken aback by the question, but she supposed it was valid. “No. No, not at all. I don’t feel the same about him anymore. I told him he was too late, and that I have a wonderful and handsome boyfriend who I like very much.”
Alfie smiled down at her as she looked back up at him, he placed a kiss on her lips. “And I have a wonderful and beautiful girlfriend who I like very much as well,”
Penelope giggled.
“Do you want to stay in tonight?” Alfie asked her. “I understand if you want, we can stay in and watch a movie. Or if you’d rather be alone?”
She quickly shook her head. “No, I am not going to let him ruin any more of my nights,” She kissed his cheek quickly. “Just give me a few minutes to touch up my make-up and we can go,”
As she walked back to her bedroom, Penelope felt her stomach sink.
Colin
Colin spent the next two weeks leading up to Bridgerton Brunch, where he met Penelope’s boyfriend for the first time, holed up in his apartment and miserable.
Is this how she felt each time he had a girlfriend? If she did, she never let it show, not that he could tell anyway. He didn’t know if he could take it. He didn’t know if he could stand seeing them together. He realized he had to. He had no choice. Penelope being back in his life even a small part of the time, even if she didn’t talk to him, was better than not having her in his life at all.
After four days in his apartment, Benedict, Anthony, Gregory, and Eloise came busting in with the key he had given Anthony before he left for Australia.
Eloise pulled back his blinds as Gregory pulled the covers off his body, Benedict tugged on him to get up.
“Let’s go!” Anthony spoke loudly. “Get in the shower, we’re going for lunch,”
Colin groaned loudly but followed his eldest brother’s directions anyway.
“Wash a few times, yeah? You’re ripe, brother.” Gregory crinkled his nose as Colin walked past him.
An hour later, the five of them sat around a table at a pub.
“So,” Benedict spoke. “How’d it go?”
Colin huffed a breath as he picked at his burger. Tears came to his eyes. “I told her I’m in love with her. That I know now what I did and I am sorry,” He bit his lip. “She told me that she was in love with me for fifteen years, and wondered how I didn’t know.”
“I knew when I was ten, how did you not know?” Gregory muttered.
If looks could kill, the youngest Bridgerton brother would be dead on the floor.
“She said I was too late, that she has a boyfriend that she thinks she’s falling in love with.” He pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes.
“I didn’t know she has a boyfriend now. I wouldn’t have just shown up if I had known. I would’ve figured out another way to apologize. Sent her a letter instead, maybe.” Colin huffed.
“Well, if you would have waited another twenty seconds for me to type out a text, you would have known,” Eloise said matter of factly.
“I was on the plane already, El. I had to turn my phone off.”
After a moment of silence, Colin spoke again. “Does he treat her well, at least?” He looked up at her best friend, who nodded softly.
“So well,” Eloise emphasized. “He waited a year for her to be ready to go out with him. He’s been really caring and patient with her through everything. He’s actually coming to brunch next week, for the first time. Meeting Mum, Anthony, Kate, Hya, Daph, and Simon.” Eloise spoke to him softly.
Colin sighed, feeling a small amount of relief in that respect. She has someone who treats her better than he has. Treats her as she deserves. He closed his eyes tightly, “Good. That’s good.”
A part of his heart was telling him to skip brunch at all costs. To save himself the ache of seeing Penelope with a man that wasn’t him. The other part of his heart and his brain told him that he had to go. He wanted to see Penelope. And she knew he would be there; he has never missed it if he was in town. So he reasoned she knew he would be there as well, and was okay with it.
This would be his life now, his heart shattering as he watched the love of his life with another man. Penelope experienced it for years. It was his turn.
______
Colin forced himself to attend brunch at Number Five the next week. When he arrived, Penelope and her boyfriend hadn’t yet. Apparently, the news of his rejection from Penelope had made its way through the family, each of them sending sympathetic looks his way in anticipation of what was to come.
When she walked in the door, she was alone. Colin co*cked his eyebrow as Eloise walked up to Penelope.
“Oh, he’s just parking the car,” Colin overheard her tell his sister.
“I also wanted to tell Anthony,” She spoke louder, catching everyone’s attention. “To be nice,” Pen spoke with emphasis. Her eyes fell on Colin, conveying the same message silently. He nodded slightly at her.
Many of the family laughed while Anthony scoffed. “If he earns it!” He joked, pulling Penelope in for a side hug.
Ever since the Bridgertons discovered that Penelope’s family life wasn’t what is should have been, the entire family was protective of her. Her father was vacant and might as well have not been present at all, her mother was mean and dismissive, Prudence fell in line with her mother and bullied her youngest sister on her own, Phillipa never engaged with the bullying and meanness, but never did anything to combat it.
Even in the few years that Penelope knew Edmund Bridgerton, he was more of a dad to her than Archibald Featherington ever was. He taught her to ride a bike, picked her up when she fell down, and cleaned her scrapes when she did. He even brought 11-year-old Penelope along with him and Eloise to the school father-daughter dance and danced with them both when he discovered that her own father wouldn’t be attending.
After Edmund died, Anthony took up a similar mantle, but as an older brother rather than a father figure. He consoled her and threatened to find the boy after her first date at sixteen was terrible, (she was upset that she didn’t end up liking the boy, mostly, so she could begin to get over Colin. But he didn’t know that.) He helped teach her to drive and reminded her every time that one of his sisters brought a boy home and he intimidated them, that she was his sister and would do the same for her. (Daphne ended up doing the same for Eloise and her girlfriends when she came out a few years ago.)
A blonde man walked in a few minutes later and Colin supposed he was Penelope’s boyfriend. Alfie, was it? Penelope was distracted by her conversation with Hyacinth and Sophie to notice he walked in. Colin stood awkwardly to the side as the man slid his arm around Penelope’s waist, surprising her. Colin watched on as she laughed, kissing him.
He could’ve sworn he heard his heart crack, surprised that no one else did. Penelope told him she had a boyfriend. Eloise told him she had a boyfriend. He asked Eloise about him. But the visual of the two together, laughing and kissing, is what really did him in. Colin muttered an excuse me, unsure if anyone actually heard him, and took the stairs two at a time to the bathroom.
Gripping the granite counter, Colin hung his head low and allowed tears to stream down his face. How was he going to manage this? How did Penelope all those years?
She had seen him date multiple girls, kiss them, hear that he was going to propose to one, for f*cks sake. And to him, it seemed like she took it in stride and was happy for him. He knew better now. If she even felt a fraction for him then of what he feels for her now, he knew that her insides were torn to shreds each time he even spoke of another girl, let alone saw him kiss one.
Minutes later, a knock sounded on the bathroom door. He opened it, revealing his mother. She took him in her arms as he cried, rubbing his back.
“My sweet boy, I am so sorry,” Violet kissed his head.
Colin shook his head, pulling away from Violet. “I messed things up. I messed our friendship up and what could have been our relationship. It is mine to clean up but I don’t even know where to begin. I just want to be her friend again but I don’t even know if that is possible,”
Violet stroked his hair. “You did mess up, Colin,” She said truthfully, never one to sugarcoat needlessly but always supportive and helpful. “Eloise and Francesca filled me in on much of what happened with you and Penelope, and I can’t say I am not disappointed in you.”
Colin hung his head at the thought of disappointing one of his favorite people. “But,” Violet spoke. “I truly think that you and Penelope can at least be friends again. It will take a lot of time and behavior changes on your part, they also told me what you did after Benedict’s party. I hope you know now that was not okay,”
Colin nodded his head. “Yeah, Luke and I spoke about it a while ago, and I apologized to Penelope for it when we spoke a couple of weeks ago,” Violet was the first person he told he began therapy, just after his third session with Luke.
Violet hummed. “Good,” She began. “As far as what to do, make sure your actions reflect your willingness to go at her pace if there is a pace she wants to go at all. Give her space, but don’t not speak with her. Tell her hello and goodbye. Be mature and civil with her boyfriend. Okay?”
Colin breathed deeply, nodding his head and giving a quick hug to Violet.
When he came downstairs after splashing water on his face and calming down, everyone was scattered between the kitchen and drawing room as they waited for food to be done. He spotted Penelope in the kitchen with Alfred, his hand still draped around her waist and holding her close. They were speaking to Benedict and Eloise. Colin felt his stomach turn as he approached the group, determined to take his mother’s advice.
“Hello, Penelope,” He knew he spoke awkwardly. Her eyes widened but returned with a hello of her own.
He felt the eyes of Penelope, Ben, Eloise, and many others on him as he shifted his attention to Alfie. “Hi,” He held out his hand. “Colin Bridgerton. Nice to meet you.”
With a drink in one hand, the man took his arm from around Penelope and shook Colin’s hand. “I know who you are,” Colin flinched and smiled grimly at the words. “Alfred Debling.”
Before any more words could be spoken, Violet announced brunch was served. Colin watched as Alfie, or Alfred as Colin supposed he was supposed to call him, put his arm back around Penelope’s waist and led her to the table.
Colin took his seat between his youngest sibling and Kate, which was across the table and a few chairs down from Penelope’s spot. He watched as Alfred pulled out Pen’s chair for her, kissing her on the head as she sat down.
His jaw clenched as the song That Should Be Me by Justin Bieber came to his head on instinct. With their rooms right next to each other as children and teenagers, he heard Daphne play the song hundreds of times within days when the boy she swore she was going to marry at 13 got a girlfriend. 14-year-old Colin memorized the song in less than a day. It seemed very fitting here.
Muffled conversations went on around him as his eyes kept flickering to the woman he loved and the man she was with laughed and spoke with their heads together. He watched as Penelope refilled his orange juice, the man passing on champagne to make a Mimosa as he was driving. Colin breathed unsteadily as dread and the familiar green monster known as jealously coursed through his veins.
Anthony’s voice calling Alfred’s name pulled Colin out of his thoughts.
“Alfie, please. Mr. Bridgerton,” The man spoke, a smile on his face as the redhead next to him placed her hand on his arm.
The oldest Bridgerton brother nodded, insisting Alfred call him Anthony. Colin rolled his eyes, taking this as a sign that his brother was beginning to approve of Penelope’s boyfriend. He wouldn’t allow it otherwise.
“You work with Eloise, right? How did you and our Penelope meet?” Anthony asked.
Alfred nodded, smiling quickly at Pen who sat next to him. “Yes, I met Eloise my first day at the firm and we became friends quite quickly. A few months later, she invited me over for a game night at her place. Which is where I was fortunate enough to meet Penelope, and of course Benedict, Sophie, and Gregory,”
Benedict laughed from next to the man, grasping his shoulder, “Us as a second thought to Pen here, understandable,”
Alfred laughed in return, apologizing jokingly. “Eloise told me she thought I would like Penelope, and she was completely right,” He lifted Penelope’s hand, kissing it softly as a few of the women around aww’ed.
Colin looked at Eloise, unamused. She returned his look, smiling sheepishly and shrugging as she chewed.
“And you aren’t a solicitor, are you?” Anthony asked.
“Anthony,” Penelope spoke as a warning.
“What?” The man in question laughed. “I’m just trying to make sure he is good enough for you, Penelope,”
Penelope rolled her eyes, and her boyfriend said it was okay.
“I’m not a solicitor, no. I’m an environmental scientist so I consult on environmental law cases,”
Colin couldn’t help but like the guy. Deep, deep, deep down. As a person, he seemed all right. Treated Penelope well and cared about the environment. This made him groan inwardly.
Violet spoke up this time. “What did you do before joining the firm?”
“I traveled around a lot, doing research. I finished up a year in Alaska just before moving to London,”
“Colin travels for work as well,” Gregory spoke, mischief in his voice that could only be detected by a Bridgerton or Penelope. “Don’t you, brother?” Greg peered down the table at Colin.
Colin glared at his youngest brother before turning to Alfred. “I do, I have a travel blog. Never been to Alaska, though.”
Alfred hummed, looking at Gregory. “I did know that, in fact,” He turned to Colin. “What’s your favorite place you’ve been?”
Colin could see Penelope out of the corner of his eye, picking at the loose threads of the Bridgerton blue placemat with a far-off look in her eye. Something she did when she was on the verge of a panic attack, he knew. Picking at things; whether that be her nails, loose threads on placemats or clothes, or whatever she could find in the moment. He knew he needed to end the conversation before she actually did have a panic attack.
“I love Italy and Greece,” He spoke quickly, hoping he didn’t come off as rude, but not really caring if he did as long as he staved off Penelope’s panic attack. “If you’ll excuse me.” Colin got up, walking up the stairs and to the bathroom.
By the time Colin returned to the table, the conversation had switched to a sibling’s game night, Penelope included, of course.
“Saturday at 7?” Benedict asked the table. “Bridgerton House?”
The table rumbled in agreement.
“You should come too, Alfie,” Anthony gave his seal of approval as he picked up his plate and walked to the kitchen.
Colin sought Penelope out twenty minutes later after the table was cleared, finding her talking to Violet and Kate in the kitchen as he walked up behind her.
“Uh, Penelope,” He began nervously. “Can I talk to you a second?”
She turned around and just looked at him for a moment then eventually gave a nearly imperceptible nod. She walked a few steps away from Violet and Kate as he followed, taking note that she did not wish to be alone with him. He didn’t blame her.
“I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay with me coming on Saturday? If you’re uncomfortable with me being around, I understand,” Colin chewed his lip.
Shaking her head, Penelope responded. “It’s fine, Colin. I would never dream of separating you from your family, no matter what is going on between you and I. I hope you don’t have any issues with me and Alfie coming? I mean, like you said, you didn’t want to take them away from me.” She spoke of the text message he sent her over a year and a half ago before he ran.
I know that Bridgerton House, Number 5, and my family are safe spaces for you like they are for all of us. I don’t want you to have to avoid those places and seeing my family because of the possibility of me being there. You deserve those safe spaces more than anything.
“No, of course not. They’re your family too, I would never try to take that away.”
________
When Colin pulled up to Bridgerton House on Saturday, he found Penelope and Alfred standing outside of the front door. Walking slowly up behind them, he heard and saw Penelope knocking repeatedly with yelling coming from the inside. He also overheard their conversation.
“You sure you’re ready for this?” Pen laughed, looking up at her boyfriend who looked bewildered. “You’ve seen a few of them together at a time while playing games but all of them? Whole different beast. Blood is known to be drawn,”
Colin walked up behind them, trying his best to be nonchalant. “I can attest to that,” He laughed awkwardly. “The Gang Beasts incident of 2021. Hyacinth threw an Xbox controller at my face and gave me two black eyes and a broken nose. At least we aren't playing Pall Mall at Aubrey Hall.”
Alfred gaped at him as Penelope laughed lightly, remembering the incident and the trip to the hospital she tagged along on. Her smile and laugh made Colin’s heart flutter.
“Door locked?” Colin asked, fishing in his pocket for the key to Bridgerton House he still had from when the family lived there before Anthony and Kate married.
“Yeah, and they’re yelling already. Doubt they can hear us knocking,” Penelope spoke, stepping aside for Colin to unlock the door.
“Before we go inside,” Alfred looked at Penelope before shifting his gaze to the third Bridgerton. “Can we talk, Colin?”
Colin raised his eyebrows, “Um-“
“Alfie, that is unnecessary,” Penelope spoke, a stern look thrown to her boyfriend.
“It’s okay, Pen. Penelope.” Colin corrected himself as smiled at her reassuringly, nerves bubbling in his stomach.
Penelope looked at him and then at her boyfriend, squeezing his hand and giving him another stern look before walking inside and closing the door.
Alfred turned to Colin, “I don’t think it is a secret that I’m not your biggest fan,”
“I get it. I’m not my biggest fan either,” Colin spoke truthfully.
He did get why Alfred did not like him. Colin confessed his love to his girlfriend. Granted, if he had known Penelope had a boyfriend he likely wouldn’t have done so. But the words were already spoken and out in the open. He couldn’t take them back even if he wanted to. And he didn’t. He still felt them, now more than ever probably.
“She told me pieces of things that happened between you two, and what you said when you showed up at her place. I just want to make sure we aren’t going to have any issues.” Alfred crossed his arms as he looked at Colin
“None at all. From what I can tell, and what I have been told by my siblings, you make her happy, and that’s what she deserves,” Colin croaked, watching the man in front of him uncross his arms. “I stood in the way of her being happy for a long time. I just hope that one day, I can deserve to be her friend again,” The brunette pursed his lips into a grim smile.
Alfred looked at Colin with a look in his eyes that Colin couldn’t put a finger on before nodding and opening the front door.
As they walked into the drawing room, Colin felt Penelope’s eyes on him and her boyfriend. Colin gave her a small smile and nodded, watching as Alfred took his seat next to her on the couch. On the other side of Penelope were Francesca and Eloise. Colin took an empty seat next to Sophie.
Benedict had a randomizer wheel pulled up on the TV, and everyone’s names were typed into a different section of the wheel. “Okay! We are randomizing partners for tonight,” Everyone groaned in response. “None of that! There are too many cahoots, conspiracies, and allyships going on in this family and it’s bullsh*t! I will spin two times and those two people will be partners for the night.”
Colin’s first instinct was to hope he and Penelope would be randomized together. His head told him that was a bad idea. She would be uncomfortable and awkward; he didn’t want another potential panic attack for her. He kept thinking that maybe it would’ve been best if he made an excuse not to come.
The first pair of partners were Anthony and Hyacinth, which everyone groaned at due to the two of the most competitive and volatile Bridgertons paired together. The partners, however, celebrated when Anthony’s name was called second to Hya’s.
“Next!” Benedict announced. “Alfie and . . . . Gregory!” The two grinned at each other, Gregory high-fiving his partner from his spot on the floor just in front of him.
“Then we have Colin and . . . . “ Penelope’s name appeared on the screen surrounded by confetti. “I can spin again,” Benedict said, moving ‘X’ Penelope’s name out and spin the wheel again.
“No, it’s fine,” Penelope spoke. “If that’s okay with Colin.” She spoke to Benedict, not even sparing a glance at the man in question.
Colin cleared his throat, “Yeah, that’s – that’s fine,”
It was awkward to say the very least. Usually, when Penelope and Colin were partnered together, they dominated game night. Win after win, second place at the least, much to other player’s chagrin. But now? They were lucky to get next to last place, which they only did once, playing Fall Guys.
Colin could feel eyes on the two of them all night, and he doubted that Penelope didn’t either. It felt as though everyone was walking on eggshells around them, themselves included.
He hated it, hated himself for making things this way. It felt like the awkward tension between him and Penelope sucked all the fun out of the room, despite the fact his family was still laughing and yelling. It felt different.
Feeling Alfred’s eyes on him most of all, he tried to keep an appropriate distance from Penelope. Not so much distance that she would think he was angry or upset with her for her rightful rejection of him, but enough distance that would not raise alarms with Alfred. If he wanted to be her friend again, he knew that he needed Penelope’s boyfriend to at least tolerate him. Colin knew it was wishful thinking for Alfred to ever like him, let alone for the two of them to be friends.
Colin felt a constant battle in his head over every move he made. Weighing pros and cons, wondering if Penelope be okay with it, wondering if it would set her off. He was in a constant battle with his heart and head whenever he was around Penelope, this making the second time he was since he professed his love for her. However, he was like this when he was apart from her too. Thinking of how she was handling him being back, if she was okay, how he could win her friendship back. He tried to distract himself by working out, writing, and visiting his family. Against his best efforts, he would always eventually find himself zoning out, thinking of the woman he loved.
He missed her so much he ached constantly. It wasn’t even so much that he wanted her in his arms, kissing her and holding her. While he wanted that exponentially as the days went on, he wanted to be able to laugh with her, share what they were reading and writing, and just simply be in her presence without all the awkward tension and prying eyes.
Colin, however, knew that was a long way away. If it ever happened at all. Truthfully, he suspected he was doomed to live in this purgatory forever. Exchanging few words with the love of his life every so often, seeing her kiss other people, and laugh with other people and not with him.
Penelope
This limbo she lived in with Colin really grated on her nerves. No, she wasn’t ready or willing to accept him back into friendship. Penelope witnessed the changes in Colin over the last three months since he returned home, and she resolved that maybe they could be friends again one day. She didn’t feel the same for him anymore. She cared for him, no doubt, how could she not?
She suspected Colin to sit outside of her door and beg her to talk to him and forgive him once she rejected him like he had before. She suspected endless flowers and food to be delivered to her apartment and work. If she didn’t still have him blocked, she suspected endless messages and calls. None of that came.
Instead, she knew he put the ball in her court. He said hello and bye to her and made small and insignificant conversation when appropriate and/or needed. He gave her her space, and it was something she appreciated.
When her name appeared on the screen at game night, she was resolved not to make Benedict roll again, even though she was well in her right and no one would mind. Penelope the weird and awkward tension between her and Colin could not live on like it had lest it begin impacting the fun and relationships she had with her favorite family. She didn’t want to place the burden of her in-between state with Colin on the shoulders of others, much less her favorite people.
Despite her good intentions and wants, her plan did not work. It was sickeningly awkward. Everyone’s eyes kept flittering to her and Colin. While everyone still laughed and joked and yelled at each other, she could feel the typical energy was sucked from the room.
Penelope figured maybe it was because game night was only the second time they had been in each other’s presence with others around since Colin returned home, so she decided to give it a little bit longer. It didn’t work. Through dinners, brunches, game nights, and a visit to Benedict’s new art installment, the energy in the room remained essentially the same.
Then, she thought maybe it was because Alfie was around. Everyone found out that Colin had confessed to her, so it would make sense. That wasn’t it either. Alfie was unable to attend Hya’s graduation dinner, and it was still the same. Awkward tension and the normal rambunctious energy of the family was sucked from the room.
Penelope hated it. She despised it. It got on her nerves. So, she unblocked Colin’s number and asked him to come over.
With Eloise in her bedroom with the door open, Penelope opened the door for Colin sheepishly, finding him holding three coffees. He handed one to her as he walked in the door.
“Iced vanilla latte with oat milk, right? That’s still your favorite?” Colin asked sipping on his own.
Pen took it from him, surprised. “Yeah, thanks.”
As Colin walked to El’s room to give her drink, Penelope practiced the breathing technique Erika taught her to calm her anxiety. In for 4. Hold for 4. Out for 4. Repeat.
Colin sat on the stool next to her a few minutes later.
Penelope breathed deeply once more, “I’m sure you’ve noticed that the environment whenever we are around your family is so weird and awkward. I hate it. It makes me feel like I shouldn’t be there and that is not something I want, and I’m pretty sure it is not something that they are intending. But I hate it.”
The man next to her nodded his head. “I have noticed it. I hate that it is like that, and I know they aren’t intending it. I’ve had the same thought as well, that I shouldn’t be there,”
“That is why I invited you over, so we can talk and try to figure out how to be around each other in some way without all the tension,” Penelope spoke, her stomach queasy.
“I know that you know that you hurt me, a lot. And you know that I am in therapy. You were a frequent topic when I began, not as much anymore. All the things you did were not okay, Colin. Treating me like I was your girlfriend, all the sh*t with Marina, Aubrey Hall, love bombing me. I don’t understand why you did all these things, and maybe I never will,” She sucked in a breath as the gears in Colin’s head worked. Eventually, he pulled a stack of tattered letters wrapped in a yellow ribbon from his bag.
“I had and still have so many things I want to say to you, Penelope. My therapist suggested that I write you letters and not send them, to try to get my feelings out I guess,” Penelope gave a small smile at this, remembering her own stack of letters to Colin sitting in a drawer in her nightstand. “While it is in no way an excuse for what I did, I know why I did the things I did. It’s all in these letters,” Colin picked at the yellow ribbon. “If you want to read them, you can. No pressure at all, you don’t owe me anything.”
Penelope looked at the stack sitting on the counter for a moment, before getting up and retrieving her own. She placed the letters next to Colin’s, her’s less in number. “Great therapists think alike, huh?” They each breathed a laugh.
“I’m not ready, and maybe I will never be for you to read mine. But,” Penelope reached for Colin’s stack of letters, pulling them to her. “I think I could and should read yours if we ever want to have a friendship again.”
Colin looked at her in surprise. “You’d consider being friends with me again?”
She smiled sadly. “You were my best friend before anything, Colin. Even – even with how I felt, our friendship was the most important thing to me. Before you did all those things. I miss my best friend. Not the man who crushed me. I have noticed a lot of difference in you, compared to before you left. Maybe one day we can be friends again, but I can’t say for sure it will be the same.”
Penelope saw sprinklings of tears in Colin’s eyes as he smiled. “I understand. I would love to deserve to be your friend again, Penelope,” He sniffled. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am for everything. There aren’t any words other than I am sorry. I hope, with my actions over time, that I can show you how sorry I am. No love bombing, I swear. God, when I learned what that was and that is what I did to you, I was sick. I hated myself.”
“I know that the things I did and the way I acted made you feel like you didn’t matter to me,” Colin began.
“Colin, I-“
“I’m not going to say sprout all these words like I did when I. . confessed my feeling to you. Everything is in the letters, when and if you are ready to read them. But I just want to say, you matter to me more than anyone, you have since we met. Not just because I love you. Again, everything is in the letters, and if you want to hear things from me directly, please tell me. Your friendship is everything to me, and if you decide to grace me with it again one day, I will never f*ck it up again,”
Colin’s blue eyes stared into hers. She hoped he really meant the words he was saying. She wasn’t there quite yet.
Penelope nodded. “Thank you, Colin,” She cleared her throat, holding out her hand. “Acquaintances?” co*cking her eyebrow, she looked at him with a small smile.
Colin laughed quietly, taking her hand and shaking it. “Acquaintances.”
Two days later, a bunch of them decided to go out to a bar. A bunch meaning Pen, El, Alfie, Colin, Gregory, Benedict, Sophie, Kate, and Anthony. They decided to meet at El and Penelope’s place, considering the bar was a short walk from their apartment.
Penelope sat at her desk/vanity, blending in her foundation with Alfie laying on her bed behind her as he did some last-minute work. Eloise knocked briefly on her door, poking her head in after Penelope answered her.
“El, you don’t have to knock,” Penelope laughed, turning towards her best friend.
She held her hands up in surrender. “Look, I don’t want to see anything I am not supposed to see. Pen, you’re hot but Alfie? You aren’t my type, sorry,” The couple laughed.
“I just wanted to tell you Col will be here in a few minutes to help me hang my new TV before we go out,” Eloise spoke, not waiting for a response before closing the door and leaving.
Penelope heard her boyfriend of nearly a year huff from behind her. Spinning around in her chair to face him, she spoke, “You okay, babe?”
She could see him contemplate his words for a moment before closing his laptop. “Why is he always around?”
The redhead raised her eyebrows. “Who, Colin?”
Alfie rolled his eyes, something that made Penelope’s stomach turn. “Yes, Colin, Penelope. I want to trust you, but –“
“Then trust me.” Penelope gritted out, tossing her Beauty Blender on the desk.
“I don’t like him being around so much.”
The old, pre-therapy Penelope would have folded right then. She would have promised not to see him or speak to Colin ever again. Instead, “I don’t know what to tell you then, Alfie,”
“Why are you sticking up for him? After all he did to you?” The blonde man’s voice began to rise.
“I am not sticking up for him, Alfred!” Penelope stood. “I am sticking up for myself! It is my decision to be civil with him because his siblings are my best friends, and his family is more a family to me than my own has ever been! I will not make it harder for everyone and make them choose between him and me. And I will not lose the only good family and friends I have ever known. I do not feel the same about him as I once did. If this is an issue for you, that is your problem. I told you before we ever went out that I would always care for him and have love for him in some capacity and if that was an issue for you then, you should have said so and not gone out with me.” Penelope huffed; her words truthful. This was her decision and if she did not feel okay in it, she wouldn’t have made it. It wasn’t Alfie’s decision. It wasn’t Colin’s decision. It wasn’t anyone’s decision but her own.
Her boyfriend gaped at her for a moment before shaking his head and speaking under his breath, “Of course, our first fight is about him,”
Penelope was fairly certain she wasn’t meant to hear those words, but she did. Laughing brutally, “I think you should leave before we both say things we don’t mean,”
Alfie looked at her before shaking his head angrily, snatching his jacket and laptop off her bed before leaving.
Minutes later, Penelope walked into Eloise’s room and found her and Colin. They both looked at her sympathetically. “You both heard that didn’t you?” They each nodded.
“I’ll talk to you about it later, El. I’m going to go finish getting ready,”
Colin
Colin couldn’t help but notice Penelope had barricaded herself in her room under the guise of getting ready until Sophie dragged her out of it when everyone was ready to go. He hoped she wasn’t rethinking what she said just days before, that she could see them maybe being friends again one day. He understood that it was her decision whether to be around him, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty that he could be the one potentially costing Penelope her happiness. Again.
She was quiet all the way to the bar, and until she had a couple of drinks in her, not tipsy yet, but loosened up. He knew Eloise was looking out for her, and he was too.
Once everyone had their drinks and sat at the table, Pen spoke up. “I want you all to know that me and Colin are . . . fine, I guess. We have spoken, and Eloise was present. And we have decided to be acquaintances,” She laughed, holding her hand out for him to shake like they did that day in her apartment. He laughed, shaking it and agreeing.
“So, no more awkward tension and weird looks at us, okay?” Colin continued. The crowd agreed, clanking glasses together in cheers.
The night continued on with no more odd glances from his family, and the tension slowly dissipated. He watched on as Penelope danced with El, Kate, and Sophie to Sabrina Carpenter. Gregory, to everyone’s surprise, was dancing and talking to a girl off in the corner.
He, Benedict, and Anthony remained at the table. “It’s good,” Anthony pulled him out of his daze while looking at the love of his life. “That you and Penelope agreed to be acquaintances, was it?”
Colin laughed fondly. “Her words, not mine. But, yeah, I’m happy about it. I want to do things on her terms. She called me a few days ago asking if we could talk. We both hated the way everyone was acting around us so that is what we came up with,” His brothers hummed.
Colin smiled widely. “She even said we could maybe be friends again, one day. Even if it wouldn’t be the same,”
“That’s good, brother,” Benedict said, watching as the girls made their way back to the table.
Eloise pointed drunkenly at Colin. “Your round, my least favorite brother!”
Colin rolled his eyes laughing. “Yes, Eloise,” Walking away, he heard Penelope call his name. She had slowed down her drinking after her first two, nursing a Truly Hard Seltzer ever since.
“I’ll help you carry,”
After ordering the next round, they were silent as they watched the bartender work. Colin eventually spoke. “If me being around is causing issues for you and Alfred, I can back off some. Not be around so much. I don’t want to stand between you two and of you and your happiness.”
Penelope huffed, shaking her head. “No, Colin,” She turned to him. “I appreciate the sentiment, but you heard me say that the decision to be civil with you was mine. If I didn’t feel fine with doing it, I wouldn’t,”
“Okay, okay. I just wanted to be sure.”
No one said anything until the bartender set the first few drinks in front of them, noting that the rest would be ready in a few minutes. Colin said he would take them over to the table and come back.
After setting the drinks on the table and relaying the message of the bartender to those whose drinks weren’t ready, Colin turned back around, seeing the love of his life speaking to her boyfriend. He stayed back but was able to catch most of what Alfred was saying by reading his lips.
The blonde man apologized to Penelope, stating he knew he shouldn’t be jealous, saying he especially shouldn’t be since Penelope didn’t love Colin anymore. Alfred said something about how he was wrong, acknowledging that she did warn him before they ever went out that she would always care for Colin.
Finally, Colin saw words that shattered his being and made his heart clench. He saw the words “I love you” fall from Alfred’s mouth as if it was the first time he had ever said them to Penelope. Colin assumed it was.
He couldn’t see Penelope’s face, couldn’t tell if she was saying anything.
Colin’s legs shook as he waited for some indication of a response from Penelope.
Did she love him? Did the love of his life love another man? His heart was beating out of his chest, he felt like he was going to vomit. Though he knew he shouldn't have, he begged and begged whatever higher powers existed in the universe that Penelope Featherington didn't love Alfred Debling.
It felt like an eternity before he saw any movement from Penelope. And then, she grabbed the man in front of her by the collar, pulling his lips to hers.
It became obvious that the higher powers that be didn't hear his pleading. Colin felt his world tilt on its axis.
